wilderworks

I recently find that I am frequently talking to myself, just slightly aloud, just slightly under my breath. Sometimes, I just mouth the words. This is clearly the beginning of my unraveling. I'm a really, really excited about it.

I wonder if I'd be happier if I wrote more. I wonder if I'd write more if I ate more. I wonder if I'd weigh less if I exercised more. I wonder if I'd have more energy if I exercised more. I wonder if I'd write more if I had more energy. I wonder if I'd be happier if I wrote more. The boredom of work is exhausting me. I can't focus in the face of all that tedium and distraction, mixed in such perfect balance. I went to the free 11:00PM improv comedy jam at the UCB Theater on Monday. Mel, from work, was there, and he got called on stage to perform. Robin Williams was also there, and he was on stage, improvising ridiculously with folks from the neighborhood. It was the most fun I've had in a long time.

I am worn down to the nub. And shortly, it will be two years since I've been in a romantic relationship.

I've been thinking about the moment in every story when the hero makes either a life-altering decision, or has a life-altering realization, or both. The epiphany that allows the hero to change, or motivates them to remain steadfast against the temptation to surrender. Again and again, I find myself dissatisfied with these moments in the stories I tell (and elsewhere). Again and again, I find myself working and reworking and reworking this moment. And I've been thinking, I've been realizing: the more real I am able to make the characters, the more alive, the more difficult it becomes to believe that they'd change, or have a realization that strong, all in a fictionalized, focused moment. Perhaps I do not believe that people have these realizations. Perhaps I too often doubt that people make these hard choices while the time is still ripe. Yet, I refuse to be that cynical. It does not sit well with me, and not only because it would trap my work in art houses, at best,...

I've gotten a good bit done over the last week or so. I finished a revision of Zaniness Ensues , my blog codename for the short that I intend to film, my big plan to break in as a writer/director, and I'm pretty happy with it. The old crew seems to approve, and the guys at work also approved, which was a surprise and a relief. I feel very good about it, and as a thank-you, I spent too much time today working on a "Paul Giamatti War Machine" animation. I also finished another segment of the Just Us League Behind the Scenes, though I'm still waiting on interview footage of Benni and Shaun, and also Shaun's brother's video footage. I'm hoping it will fill out the early parts of the day, where I have gaps. While laying around, I worked out a few kinks in my mental outline for the feature-length version of Zaniness Ensues . It will tap into some experiences of my own, and give the story a nice twist. Structurally, I've been thinking a lot abo...

Our new short film ( J.U.L ) is up and running at the dvxuser.com contest , HeroFest. Embarrassingly, the forum discussion about it has been consuming more of my time and thought than it should. Which is to say, it's gotten some time and thought. It doesn't deserve any at all. Meanwhile, I've been editing the Behind the Scenes footage for the same, and it's been going slowly. Yes, it's all digitized, which is an achievement. But I've only got about a minute of edited footage, and I'm still waiting on a tape from Shaun's brother. I must be patient. I don't want to go too far before I've seen the footage available on that tape. My method doesn't easily allow for last-minute entries. Things get too tightly interwoven to easily revise. Which is similar to the problem with Zaniness Ensues . Apparently, an inherent problem of the fast-moving, interwoven style that I like so much. A problem I'm going to have to teach myself to solve. ...

All I can say about today is: it's hot. And tomorrow it might get up several degrees above 100. And, in no way unrelated, I saw "An Unconvenient Truth" today. If you haven't seen it, go. Take everyone you know. Where there justice, this movie would be number one in the world. Then again, if there were justice, the movie would be unnecessary, stating facts that everyone already knows. Despite the heat, I was able to capture more than two-thirds of the Behind the Scenes footage for Just Us League. Unfortunately, it's going to need more to make something coherent. But that's something to worry about tomorrow. Tonight, I see if I can sleep without turning on the A/C.