Deleted Scene [Sick Day] : Regular States

Here's how I spent my morning - writing another scene that will never make it into the screenplay, another scene that I find quite charming. I simply have no reason to spend this long introducing a character we don't need to meet at all. At present, we'll never see him again.

Regular States
INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - BREAK ROOM - DAY
Maggie sits on the counter by the sink, eating a yogurt. Her employer, DR. PUGLISI, has his foot up on a chair, putting a penny in his penny loafer. He's an older man, short, balding, powerful.
PUGLISI
So, it's his parents' house you're moving into? You'll be living on his turf?
MAGGIE
Nah, they bought it when he was in high school. He never lived there. When they retired to North Carolina, they transferred the remaining mortgage to him.
PUGLISI
Ridiculous! Why would anyone retire to NORTH Carolina? If you're gonna pick a state to live in, you should pick one of the regular ones.
MAGGIE
Regular?
PUGLISI
Regular! Not some north-south-east-west ancillary add-on little brother state. Not NORTH Carolina.
MAGGIE
There's no plain Carolina. There's only North and South Carolina.
PUGLISI
No shit! So they're not like the Dakotas, then?
MAGGIE
There's no plain Dakota, either.
PUGLISI
Really! And what about Virginia? Maggie - is there a Virginia?
MAGGIE
Yes, Santa Claus, there is a Virginia.
PUGLISI
Huh! You know, they don't cover this material in medical school. It's a failure of the system!
I considered transferring this exchange to Ollie or Sandra, but then we lose the charm of the medical school kicker, and really, what purpose does it serve, no matter whose mouth it comes from... It's just one of those scenes that I love to write, but could never make it into a mainstream movie, where tangents aren't tolerated.

Readers - Should I change that? Should I include this scene? Or is my affection misplaced?

Comments

  1. Alli4/20/2010 9:37 AM

    I love it. But I love crusty old men, so I don't know if you should go by me.

    The scene is great in terms of word play, but it kind of takes me out of the rest of the story. One of those scenes where I look at it, and enjoy it, but say, 'Oh, the writer is playing around' and not, ' Oh, whatever will happen to Bob and Jane!'

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wilder4/20/2010 9:45 AM

    Yes, but in a comedy, is that ever permitted anymore? Or is the mainstream really completely strapped to forward action? If that's the case now, I'm wondering whether I'm willing to accept it. What's the point of writing a comedy if people are only watching to see what happens to Bob and Jane, even in the first ten minutes?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alli4/20/2010 10:27 AM

    I think that digressions are more permitted in TV nowadays, But there are still digressions-mostly to highlight a cameo, I think. Maybe you should cast Dick Van Dyke?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wilder4/20/2010 10:28 AM

    Your feedback is discouraging at best. A comic discussion in a comedy should not be a digression: it is the solitary purpose of comedy.

    ReplyDelete

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