I. Just. Can't. Engage. So. I. Complain.

I have a terribly virulent strain of writer's block, and it seems like I've had it for months. It seems that way because I have. Since at least December. I'd be willing to start smoking again to crack it open. It's reached its roots and shoots into every nook of my life.

For me, the block is never caused by a problem I can't solve. Writer's block is always an inability to find a problem I care to solve. It's always a question of care. A problem of passion. And this year, this year, this year so far, I can't seem to care about writing another screenplay, or another short, or another contest runner-up-ship, or another disappointment. I don't care to meet people, I don't care to date, I don't care to write. I only get excited about paying off my debt.

"When you get old, your heart dies."

I was fooling with my picture phone and took some photos of myself, quite similar to some I took in Harlem three years ago. I loaded them onto the computer, and there I saw them side-by-side with the pictures of three years ago. I look so much older now. Both fatter here and thinner there. More crooked. Graying.

I have these fictional lives in my hands, and that used to really excite me, but now, for such a long time, I couldn't care less what they do. These toys no longer amuse me. I'd rather just sleep. That's where Ralph and I are vikings.

I keep having dreams about everyone I used to know. It seems my subconscious enjoys making them take a few turns round the stage, even as it tires at making fictional folks dance. It's good to see them respond to calls for encore. They don't respond to calls on the phone.

And now I sound like a massive mope, with symptoms of depression.

But. It's better than writing nothing.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Semi-Annual Exorcism

I hate to give the impression that I spend my days sulking, but this ridiculous journal has become the place for me when I have some woe to spew. So many of my complaints about life are summarized by that: I have no one to share my troubles with, and that is the whole of my troubles. However, writing has always been soothing to me, and every writer scribbles in hope that it will someday be read by the right person. Another potential companion (the one I mentioned earlier) jumped ship on me this past weekend. I must have done something wrong during the conversation, failed to amuse, because she begged off the call by saying she was going "away." And that was the last I heard of her, despite e-mails and contact attempts. Immediately following that, my closest female friend expressed long-hidden romantic intentions for me, intentions I did not share. If I do not draw a line, I will be stringing her along. I must separate, cause myself pain, in order to avoid her contin
Read more

Pizza and Beer

The Misplaced Planet DVD has gone off to be professionally duplicated. It has six of our short-films on it, along with behind-the-scenes documentaries and commentaries. This fist disc will represent the best of the stuff we've done in the last two years, and I really can't wait to see it. You can check out some samples at the forum. If you haven't already, you should be Misplaced Planet's friend on Myspace . Because that's me. Now, we need to polish off Disc 2 of the set, which will be a bonus for the real fans, and for ourselves. Hopefully, we'll be able to sell enough of these to partially fund the filming of Zaniness Ensues . Anything that reduces the amount of credit-spending is good. As for me, I haven't been getting a lot of writing done, since the design work for the DVD has consumed my time. But I have made a lot of progress on the Zaniness Ensues production. We have Jess Temple ready to play the lead female role of Meredith, and Matt McN
Read more

Let Me Put This to You Simple...

I want to know where you get those friends that people have in romantic comedies. You know, the single-lead's happy-couple-friends, the ones that see their romantic happiness, paired with their sense of friendship, as an imperative to set the single up with someone special. You know, the couple that quietly gets ready for bed, actually thinking about the loneliness of their good friend. I am about to throw a fit. Hold on tight!
Read more